Soon I am going to be lost in drunken sopor and comprehending basic grammar, let alone actually writing sense, is going to be beyond my mortal abilities. So, here I am, on New Year's Eve listening to music that seems to be sheer spiel (I loved the word when I read it on a friend's blog), staring at a computer screen, wondering why I would be doing this when I should be already be supine in one corner, downing poisons that would probably be toxic waste in a parallel universe.
Well the answer is simple, before the time comes for Cinderella to run off leaving her glass slipper behind, I have this urge to cleanse my mind, body and soul of everything that has seemingly had a manic depressive effect on me this year. By far 2009 was the most eventful year in my life in terms of disasters and mood swings. It was also a year of decisions made on the spur of the moment and lost friendships, revealed identities and unlayering of layers.
Do not worry. I am not going all philosophical. Nor am I going to be diagnosed as prematurely senile anytime soon. But this is the year I realized that I (and a few other friends who were surprising revelations in this regard) were the target audience for all those real reality shows, television shows and movies, where a wee bit of tweaking of the music would cause us to shed tears or laugh out loud depending on the demand. Pretty much like the applause and laughter boards in studio sets. I also realized that I had more talents than I ever knew, that I took criticism pretty hard, I had the lowest of low self esteems, I was still afraid of my father, I had the coolest mother ever (I just needed to figure how to handle her at times), that I could be likeable if I wanted to and that I had the absolute best choice in friends (whatever anyone else would like to believe).
But despite the few moments of clarity, I had more downs than ups. Spending a day in the hospital with a friend on her birthday - bad, pressing the rewind button on relationships - really really bad, having no friends in the city I call home - dealable, best friend of 13 years going MIA - superlative (to the power infinite) of bad. And these were coupled with mistakes in choice of vocation and being judged by people who thought your normalcy was alien like.
So this coming year in 2010, I need the Karma of life to fulfill its obligation to me, while I go ahead and try to fulfill my obligations to others. And if the powers above are mysteriously reading this - "There is no scope of replacing need with want because this is my survival instinct butting in. I am assuming you guys gave us that instinct for Darwin to discover."
1 comment:
In a sense,New Year resolutions depict an urge to get better. That is good.
Quite an analysis of things that went by.Can not say much on your experiences,because well..they are your experiences and no one else in the world grade them. However I,like you, like to call junk a junk and nothing else.
Keep up the spirits :)
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